Defensive Mindset by Wendy Temple

Author:Wendy Temple [Temple, Wendy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ylva-Publishing
Published: 2017-03-08T00:00:00+00:00

Fran stood outside the Beachcomber. The place was in darkness and she had no keys. She guessed it was a little after four in the morning. The promenade was empty as the wind whipped the T-shirt taut against her body. She shivered, but not just from the cold. Temptation lay inside, taunting her like an evil mistress. It would be so easy to get wrecked. She had the perfect excuse. It’s what everyone expected of her. It’s what she expected of her.

She stared down at her hand. The red bubble jacket Jessie had thrust at her still clutched in her tight grip. The move had surprised her.

She pulled it on and zipped it up, instantly grateful for the warmth it provided. Though it was spring, the temperature had dropped significantly overnight. An early-morning frost glittered under the street light. She was no stranger to wandering the streets late, but sanctuary lay less than thirty metres away and called to her just as potently as Jessie’s body had.

Fran stood fighting against the pull of an alcohol-fuelled escape. She wanted oblivion. She craved it. She could taste the smoky banana of Jack Daniels, and it was so close. She could practically feel the glass in her hand. The warmth of it as she forgot her troubles, the tightness in her body disappearing with each gulp of the whiskey. It was so tempting.

“Fuck,” she hissed, part anger and part plea. She let out a long shaky breath, as angry tears filled her eyes, and the lights swirled in her cloudy vision. She brought a clenched fist to her mouth and sunk her teeth into the flesh until she tasted blood.

She knew she was in dangerous territory. She was balancing precariously on the precipice. Teetering perilously close to plunging over the edge into her own personal abyss. She wanted it so bad. So bad.

She couldn’t let Harry down. His disappointment would crush her. She was terrified that if she slipped again, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself. She’d let everyone down. Harry, her godmother, Nikki—they’d given her a chance. Don’t fucking ruin it. Don’t. Not this time. The scream inside her head drowned out her own heartbeat as it was rent from her soul.

She turned and stumbled towards the beach on heavy legs. The waves were invisible in the darkness, but she heard every one as they crashed against the shore. She fell to her knees. The effort it had taken to get this far had been exhausting. She pleaded with anyone who would listen. Help me…just a few more hours. Please…help me. She’d only just started to like who she was. Who she could be. The woman she was becoming.

Thoughts of previous nights of excess filled her head. Waking up in strange places with no memory. Clothing soiled. The stench. The strangers. The filth. It was shameful. Fucking disgusting. She was disgusting.

She retched into the sand until her stomach was empty. The cloying scent of Jessie wafted up from the jacket and caused a second wave of nausea.

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